get thee gone, school fundraiser pizza...

or, why i have joined the Sweetney.com Flab-Be-Gone 2006 Challenge Redux....

anyone who has kids in school in the united states is all too familiar with the ever-present "school fundraiser." even if you have not got kids, you have more than likely been trapped in uncomfortably close quarters by parents like myself who demand "my kid's school is raising money, would you like to buy some cookie dough, fruit pies, scholastic books, magazine subscriptions, giftwrap, or art made by the children. it's for the children..."

my son's preschool runs the gamet in terms of these little ventures, and for the most part this entails me and my husband buying an inordinate amount of some foodstuff, and keeping it for ourselves, because we are too lazy and embarrassed to pimp this stuff in the workplace.

this meant that last weekend we had about five metric tons of little ceasar's pizza/garlic cheese bread kits delivered to our house.

let me tell you how evil that garlic cheese bread is. my friend jen and i assembled the item (i hesitate to use the term "cook") the other weekend, and both of us were in worldless shock over what went into it.

1. open bread dough square (provided) and place on greased cookie sheet.
2. sprinkle 10lbs of cheese (provided) over dough
3. bake at 450 for 7-9 minutes, until cheese bubbles (mm'ok)
4. [and here is the devil part]. open sachet of garlic butter mix (provided) and slather contents over top of melted cheese.
(i.e. you do not only melt cheese on bread, you smear it with about a pint of startlingly yellow garlic butter mix.)
5. eat large quantities of that shit like there is no tomorrow.

flash-forward to last friday when i polished off a large proportion of the devil-bread, completely alone and without assistance. oh, and did i tell you i am calorie counting? and trying to lose weight? you know how they say "nine months in, nine months out" over baby weight? how about "nine months in, three and a half years (and counting) out."

so anyway, internets, in line with sweetney's charge, please take this as my public declaration that while i plan to eat and be merry for the rest of my life, i also want to not have to buy another set of clothes in "the next size up." i want to look slim and fabulous while i'm eating fried cheese, dammit;)! by july 1 i will have lost 10-15 lbs, and will do so by exercising and eatin' right.


Anonymous said...

While we are on the subject of food confessionals, I ate a whole container of Ben and Jerry's ice cream on Sat. night.

I don't even feel that guilty about that right now. Damn the torpedeos, I say.

Anne Zelenka said...

mmmmm... garlic cheese bread... fortunately (or unfortunately) my kids' school is too healthy to sell that kind of stuff. Not that I don't find what I want elsewhere.

gingajoy said...

anne. I smell "montisouri" (sp?)(heheheh). there are other montisouri moms i am friends with who actually buy my school's crap like it's contraband. yes, it's a double edged sword.

actually, i would like our school to go a more healthy route, but who's going to binge on "fresh produce" and bring in the big cash?

jon. i forgot to add in what i had for desert.... those are "individual serving size" pints of B& J, right?

jenestill said...

That's OK, the school plans to balance things out with a read-a-thon fundraiser in april, in which your friends and family can give you money for reading to the tot. pimp that, sister.

that way, we can trump the healthy school with our fabulous cognitive development and family bonding fundraiser. then eat our cheese bread, and drip the garlic butter right onto the pages of "the very hungry catepillar." hee hee

the girl who threw away a krisy kreme wrapper in the gym locker room. yea.

Anonymous said...

gingajoy - for the love of god, buy that crap if you must but throw it in the garbage!! your description of the goo made me nauseous. not that i have any more self control, because in the past i've bought 2 tubs of frozen cookie dough for a school fundraiser and ate them both by myself in the frozen form, didn't even bother to bake the sludge into cookie-form. on a more productive note, i am appalled that our public educational system must resort to these fund-raisers to educate our children (and how many billions has the u.s. spent on the iraq war so far?). if schools must beg for money i'd rather just hand over the cash instead of going through the farce of buying some garbage i don't really need (paper and that kind of shit) or fake food i really shouldn't eat. -- pr

gingajoy said...

pr--nooo, you see, the truly horrifying part was that there was *no nausea involved.* it. was. delicious.

as far as public ed goes. you know i'm with you 100%. my only caveat here is that this is preschool. oh, hang on, in some countries quality day care is subsidized, and women get 1 year maternity leave by law, and... and... and...

sheriffmitchell said...

The Deputy is currently in dieting mode and as a result, so am I. However, there are only so many times you can try and kid yourself that lasagne pasta cut into triangles and baked in the oven remotely taste like tortilla chips! Oh sorry, natural yoghurt is the perfect substitute for sour cream, I forgot.

Goddammit that devil bread sounds good - Get me to a bakery before I take the cowards way out!!!

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Erika Brown said...

Food can also be one source of fund raising projects. This, can be very appealing especially to preschools. I like the idea here. But to some point, in a much higher level, there are also other choices of ventures to start as a fund raising project. Nowadays, you can even broadcast and do the fund raising activity online.