In his Second Life My Husband Wants To Be David Bruce Banner

A couple of nights ago the old man and I settled down for a nice night in front of the telly (er, like pretty much every night) and found ourselves drawn into a BBC Documentary on 'Virtual Adultery.'

Main thrust of the programme? There are people out there with crappy real married lives who create insanely sexy online counterparts for themselves in Second Life. Big-boobed Girl Avatar meets Six-pack Boy Avatar, and the mouse-controlled bump and grind of naughty avatar bits begins...

The question. Is this adultery?

As we watched one husband talk about how his wife spends up to 14 hours a day in their bedroom in front of the computer with her 'boyfriend' while he's left to run the house, looks after four kids, and earns a living for them all, we thought that 'adultery' might well be the least of this family's problems.

In the concluding moments -- after this wife had spent some of the family's hard-earned cash to fly out to London to meet her 'boyfriend' in real life (and boy, did he look disappointed when she turned up at Heathrow) only to return to the bosom of the family -- her loving husband declared that his wife was 'Jenny' to his Forrest Gump -- she was wild, lived at the edge, hungry for life, but no matter what, he would be as steadfast as Forrest and remain there for her forever. To which my husband said:

"Yeah. But Forrest Gump was retarded"

We began to see why a virtual life with 'Elliot' might look so enticing to the woman, b'yatch though she was. And there was her husband, trying to make sense of it all by viewing it like the movies. We all want to escape, and for him it took the form of pretending he was a slow-witted adult male from the deep south.

Of course, all this gave the two of us an opportunity to look inside our own hearts, our own marriage, and ask one another the searching questions that had plagued us as we watched side by side.

"So. If you could create an avatar in Second Life, what would it look like?" I asked

"David Banner" "Bruce Banner"

The certainty and swiftness of his reply was impressive.

"Which David Bruce Banner? David Bruce Banner when he's on the verge of becoming the Hulk, you won't like me when I'm angry, David Bruce Banner?? David Bruce Banner in tattered trousers? Or worn out and depleted David Banner as he walks down the side of the road thumbing a ride?"

"Well who would you be?" (dodging the question -- pussy-ass)

"Cate Blanchett" (yes. I am seriously predictable)

"Cate Blanchett-as-Bob Dylan Cate Blanchett, or Cate-Blanchett-as-Galadriel Cate Blanchett?"

"DUH! Like you have to ask that question. Do you even know me at all?"

"You'd go for the pointy ears"

"Of course! I know you're a sucker for the pointy ears! I'd do it for you!" (also. who wants Bob Dylan wiggy hair?)

David Bruce Banner and Galadriel, shacking up together in Second Life, saving up a few Linden Dollars to buy me a boob job and some property on the cyber-beach. We could be happy there.

UPDATE: And here's me sneering at the idiotic ways of idiotic people, and writing an entire post about how my husband wants to be DAVID Banner, when I meant BRUCE Banner.
So far I don't think my husband has any aspirations to be a Dirty South Hip Hop artist, but then, he continues to surprise me. Such is our love.


SUEB0B said...

And I am sure you would live happily and virtually ever after.

That 14 hours a day thing? That's a problem.

Blog Antagonist said...

I'd say someone is experiencing a fundamental disconnect from reality, nevermind an apalling lack of common sense. Fourteen hours a day?

In a virtual world, I would be...a man.

Bon said...

in Second Life i'm a harajuku girl because i couldn't figure out how to change my base avatar.

and Dave? he wears tight pants.

it's all very tawdry.

Lindy said...

*snort* I can just see you in pointy ears! I couldn't watch that program. I LIVED it in a past life- my ex played something (I can't be bothered to even remember what it was) for HOURS and I'd roam the house looking for something to do. In the end I left and he got fat and he still lives in HellHole, SC... Karma!

Tor said...

I think you meant Bruce Banner...

David Banner... well. That would be funny.

doow said...

Frank made a very good point indeed.

I saw some of that programme, but turned it off fairly quickly because I have a hard time watching people that ugly be that stupid.

gingajoy said...

oh MAN tor -- you are so so right. And my husband has not even corrected me on it. SHAME!

Mocha said...

But as David Banner he could get seriously crunk and you'd be all 2nd life ga-ga over that. There's a gangsta girl in you just dying to get out. I know this.

ewe are here said...

Oh, definitely have to have the pointy ears.

Ozma said...

Brilliant. But your ability to mesh as imaginary second life characters (not even real second life characters) is how you know that you are perfect for one another in real life. (Not that there is any such thing as real life.)

I think I'm going to start saying 'as cold as Galadrial's ears' rather than 'cold as a witches teet' from now on.

Ginga's Hubby said...

Actually, I was never a fan of the Stan Lee comic book, where yes the character's name was Bruce Banner. I was, however, an avid watched of the 1970s TV show, starring Bill Bixby where he was renamed David Banner. Of course, standing beside his grave, you do get to see, in the pilot episode, his full name: David Bruce Banner. No correction was necessary on this part:)

BTW: a new movie starring Edward Norton is in production. The new Hulk movie will more closely resemble the 1970s version.

gurukarm said...

I actually have an acquaintance whose husband decided to divorce her because of his new love, met online - and NOT in real life at the time of the divorce. Yike! More problems than just the internet? I guess!

wood dash kits said...

I saw part of this program, but it turned out pretty fast because I have problems with people looking to ugly and stupid.

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