My Ass Hurts (And Not In A Good Way)

Yes, my ass hurts because 'tis the season of self-flagellation. This time in the form of a tortuous "Bums and Tums" workout class that I have been hauling my dimpled regions to lately. (Well. Twice.) My lunchtime was spent kneeling down on all fours and cocking my leg in a drafty gymn. Oh, and the best part was that all around me were pert under 21s. Lovely.

There was a handful of Older Women in the hall, and I found myself grinning at them inanely as we grabbed our mats and got down to the business of squat-thrusting. My smile said "hello! My name's Joy! I am old too! HAHAHAHA! Gosh, look at these here young 'uns. HAHAHAHA!" ("I am lonely will you please be my friend?!")

So far no takers.

This is a technique that has worked OK for me in America, where you can do something radical like strike up a conversation without fear of being frozen out, although I also had a fabulous possy of other Wobblyish Old Ladies to work out with (hungover. because we'd all been drinking a shitload the night before). I miss those ladies and our 9am 'Cardio Buffet.'

Actually, it's not all bad. I have enlisted a coworker to join me for a Tuesday lunchtime of Pilates as of next week, and me being her boss and everything, she said yes. If I cannot ingratiate myself with natural charm and wit, I am not above abusing my power. And then there's another lady who's agreed to do drinking with me in the foreseeable future, so life ain't bad. But will she squat-thrust?

(and let's give a hand for the Old Man, who will likely become a regular fixture around these here parts, and make them less tumbleweedy. Hoorah!)


verybadcat said...

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding something, but I'm beginning to think that British people are mean.

Couldn't you find a young but flabby girl to chum with? If I had been there, you might have thought I was a young'un (and to a degree, I am), but I'm 28, and we probably have a good bit more in common than I would share with a 21 year old.... and maybe younger girls are friendlier?

(please don't kill me, people. I don't know anything- I just want Ginga to have nice British friends!)

gingajoy said...

ha! verybadcat, I really appreciate your protective instinct, but I can attest to the non-meanness of British people. Just the reservedness of them compared to my midwestern chums:)

oh, and 28 *is* totally young;-)

mothergoosemouse said...

If ass pain via exercise is the bad kind, I'm curious to know what kind of ass pain would qualify as the good kind.

And I've had zero success making friends in exercise classes here in CO. Seems alcohol is a much better social lubricant than sweat.

Redneck Mommy said...

Yes, Joy, just what type of ass pain is the good kind? I'm curious to know? LOL.

I'd squat and thrust with you in a heart beat, friend, if only an ocean didn't separate us.

I'm having trouble with finding a work out buddy myself.

ewe are here said...

Frozen out. That's it! That's it exactly when I make an effort to start a conversation in new places.

Not always, but enough to annoy the crap out of me.

Lindy said...

So you want me to take the bus into the city centre and meet you for a torture session? Do I have that correct? Hmm I'm going to have to think about that cuz this ass hasn't seen any squat-thrust of any kind for a while. Oh who am I kidding I need friends too, I'm prone to self humiliation and I can't think of anything else I could be doing... well apart from my usual- eating toast and jam w/ a cup of tea and big heaping teaspoon of splenda. Will you promise not to laugh at me and to join me in ridiculing the young, perky and nubile?

karrie said...

Eh, fuck them.

Although I'm still grinning imagining the voice you gave your smile. It reminded me a little of my first awkward forays into trying to make "mommy" friends. :)

flutter said...

listening to that class makes my ass hurt.

There is no hope for my ass, I fear

Mom101 said...

Oh Joy my love, I'm so happy to hear from you this morning!

You are inspiring me to start aerobicizing or otherwise improving my sad, flabby postpartum ass. But I'm intimidated by the 60+ year olds in the class who could crunch rings around me.

Oh, The Joys said...

Why must the brits be so slow to warm up to the Joy?

neva said...

i TOLD you to move to Connecticut, instead! trust me, you and i would SO be old (and older) ass-hurtin' buddies. it's not too late...the house next door just went on the market...??

yes, 'tis true, Joy, i miss you. no i haven't been around for a longlongLONG time... but that doesn't mean you're not on my mind. that said, i'll trot an extra mile up an especially difficult hill on my walk today, in honor of your hurting ass. ; )

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