Morning Rant of a Hungover Mother of Two Who Should Know Better...

You know you're in trouble when it's 11pm and your Stitch N Bitch group should be wrapping up, but instead you decide (upon seeing the empty bottle of Pinot Grigio) "Nev' mind..I'm switchin' to red..." You also know you're in trouble at midnight when your husband calls "not to hassle you or anything, but to just check you've not been mugged or are lying in a ditch somewhere..."

Oy... I feel...fragile.

I reserve my main sympathy for my good friend who kept me company, and who has to be all peppy, social, and organized this evening at our Preschool Fundraiser because she's in charge. An Auction. Do your schools participate in this seventh-circle-of-hell type activity? Have you ever found yourself in a bidding war for a step stool with your kid's (along with a bunch of other kids' you could care less about) footprints on it?

Does your preschool/daycare take the most adorable pictures of your preshus baby all smiling and chubby, pop it in an album (along with a bunch of other baby pics you could care less about) and force you to pay upwards of $100 for the thing (just because the idea of another parent getting that preshus portrait is simply too much to bear...)?

It's Dog Eat Dog out there, people. Sure they feed you pizza, and watch your kids for free, but in the end it's an all out frenzy by bourgy parents like us who haggle ferociously over stuff our clearly superior children made. It can get ugly and very, very expensive.

(And: SULK. This year I have been informed by MrDrGinga there will be no bidding on various "Vacation Retreats" that come up, because this year he'd like to not come home a thousand bucks or so lighter. Although I will counter, what is the use of Big Fuck-off Minivan if one is not to vacation-retreat in it?)

All right. I'm a tad jaded this morning. It's the tannins and searing headache. Entres Nous, I enjoy a good haggle (as you know). I will report the damage to you Monday morning.

Also--Mother's Days plans. I know you're dying to know what I have lined up. Well MINE (HINT HINT) involve being brought breakfast in bed (bacon sammich on french bread. crammed with bacon. crammed). Cup of tea. Laptop for a little recreational activity, perhaps. Trip to the garden center (because yes. I am becoming my mother...) in search of devastatingly beautiful plants that flower all summer and that do not require watering or taking care of in any way (i.e. am becoming mother, expect part where green things actually remain alive...). Possibly an afternoon trip to Spiderman 3 with my Big Boy (possibly).

How will you beat your husband and children into servitude for one day? What're your Mother's Day plans?


slouching mom said...

Yes on the preschool auction frenzy.

I am awaiting word of what is to befall me on Mother's Day.

I'm a little nervous. There's been lots of whispering, and, worse, giggling.

Tere said...

Ben works this weekend, which sucks. Sunday's also his birthday, which he won't be able to celebrate, which sucks. I'll be alone with Max all weekend, schleping all over South Florida between errands and relatives' houses.

So Mother's Day for me is not at all about me, but about my mother and step-MIL.

I'm expecting everyone to make it up to me on my birthday.

virtualredhead said...

hee hee! Someone loves me!

Thanks for sticking around & sharing the vino and visiting hangover city with me.

See you at the circus.

Bon said...

yikes about the auction. mother's day isn't looking terribly promising chez nous...the dear man (big version) leaves on a business trip that morning. i will begin leaving heavy hints around NOW about breakfast in bed before departure, but alas...i suspect that (if that) may be as good as it gets.)

damn hallmark holidays. if they're so arbitrary, why can't i just have them on my own schedule?

flutter said...

You're a knitter!! I knew I loved you. For mother's day I will be drinking, heavily.

Lawyer Mama said...

Ah, yes. I've just been indoctrinated into the pre-school fundraising scam. And my son won't actually start classes until September!

I plan to lounge in bed until at least 8 - miracles can happen. Anything after that is icing on the cake.

Mary G said...

My kids are feeding me. This inevitably involves chocolate because otherwise I would cry.

Mary G said...

Fundraising is the [censored] pits, IMHO. The worst one I ever remember was a cartwheelathon that my daughter was sucked into. Don' even think about that until your hangover subsides.

ozma said...

Considering going to the movies by myself. It's really the only thing I want on mother's day. As well as the only thing we can afford. Actually, I wish we could all go to the movies...but since chiquita does not allow this it will have to be me by my lonesome.

The last time I did this was "The Departed" for my birthday and basically, I kept running out of the theater and calling my husband saying "It's GOOD VERSUS EVIL." I can't handle good versus evil on my own. I NEED YOU."

So it will have to be a comedy, I guess.

metro mama said...

I bet you could use your bacon sandwich right now. Nothing like carbs and grease to fix you right up.

I am hoping for pancakes and bacon tomorrow morning.

Blog Antagonist said...

Oy. I feel for you. I don't overindulge often, but when I do, I am always terribly, terribly sorry.

I loathe fundraising. This year, I wised up and declined to be involved with any fundraising on any level. I'd rather write a check and be done with it than put myself through that. After 12 years, I think I can pass the torch without feeling too much guilt over it.

Enjoy your bacon sammich and your gardening. :?)

NotSoSage said...

Oh, Mme L's daycare tried to pull that on us a few months ago. A painting made by her and another child in her class, whose parents we happen to be friends with and who have recently split and are both renting their own place. If they thought that they were going to get a bidding war going, they were SOOO wrong. We're bleeding hearts over here, not hagglers.

Elizabeth said...

I woke up this morning to my husband and oldest son chopping peppers, ham, and cheese to make me an omelette, plus there was BACON, and coffee, and buttered toast, and a t-shirt from Steve and Barry's that reads "Moms. They're like Dads only smarter." And homemade cards from the boys and kisses from Kaitlyn. Best Mother's Day EVER. Happy Mother's Day, Joy!!


mamatulip said...

I'd be bitter too. Yowza.

Our big MD plans included a buffet at our favourite Indian restaurant. Can you say OINK? Because I sure can.

DDM said...

I have been in bed. All. Day! Except for getting up to eat French Toast prepared by my husband. Am surfing the net and catching up on some blog reading. Eating. Exactly what I wanted to be doing!
Happy Mother's Day!

binkytown said...

Would that bacon sandwich include tomato and some butter? That's heaven on a plate.

Yes, I also pay through the nose for riddiculous items such as canvas tacked together with a few splats of paint. It's expected and I fear the consequences if I try and withold.

Virtualsprite said...

Haven't experienced the preschool auction yet, but my time is coming.

My Goober turned 3 yesterday, so my Mother's Day was spent cooking and cleaning for a toddler's birthday party. Happy day to me!

mo-wo said...

Another summary argument for reconsidering homeschooling.

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