Since February, when I announced that our vet recommended an Ostrich and Rutabaga diet for our faithful lab, my email In Box has been flooded with inquiries as to her health and well being.* We have been touched by your concern, and would like to share with you this official update on The Dog's progress.
You'll remember, of course, that before we were forced to completely lose our nuts and start shopping for roadkill in Australia or wherever-the-hell Ostriches (or Emu) happen to be in cheap and plentiful supply, we were first given the option of feeding her an allergen-free food called Your Child's College Fund (YCCF).
Well, YCCF is apparently not price high enough for whatever malodorous pestilence has descended on our pooch, now positively riddled with yeast and bacteria, a nasty ear infection, and smelling, quite unpleasantly, of Dorritos. She was pronounced as "diseased" by the specialist vet the Husband took her too this week. Nice. And apparently we can't give her away for medical experiments, so we're faced with Plan Not-Quite B.
So yesterday, I found myself on the phone to several Meats Suppliers (that's "Meats" and not "Meat." Just so you know) inquiring as to where I can score me some "Low grade Lamb meat, for stewing. Cheap..." I am pleased to report that I managed to negotiate quite a deal with a certain "Dr. Beef," no questions asked, and the Husband had the pleasure of hauling the hacked up carcass home.
At this very moment, he is boiling up great vats of it on our stove, periodically skimming off the fat as the vet instructed. The whole process, apparently, is "revolting." Hopefully revolting enough to actually work; the poor dog is in misery and right now we're looking at several hundred bucks a month in meats alone.... We are told this is just a temporary measure for now, but we could end up having to do this for the rest of The Dog's life.
We shall, of course, keep you apprised as to her progress. Thank you for your kind wishes in this challenging time.
(And if any of you folks have dealt with something similar with your dog, TELL ME. Jokes aside, this is too expensive. Too expensive to be funny, really. But we're not on the Ostrich yet, so I should probably shut up).
*No one wrote to inquire actually. I think this is cold. Bastard People.