First off the bat. Reasons to be cheerful: A little earlier, Husband called, and uttered these beautiful words...
"I've cleaned the whole house"
I would charge home and ravish him on the spot right now, if it weren't for the fact that I am at present physically repellent...which brings me to....
Suggestions for "What to Expect in the Eighth Month" chapter in that book.
First, that tiny paragraph on "stress incontinence" does not quite do it, ok? A helpful image like this one might do a better job at explaining what happens when you have a bladder that is, let's say, "under pressure."Some of my observations of the "bladder-under-pressure" include (but are not limited to):
Fill a sample pot at the OB's office with the minimum of fuss? Fat Chance. When your flow has transformed from a healthy horse-like stream to a sort of sporadic and multi-directional spurting, then you'd better get on the rubber gloves and have your paper towel at the ready. It's going to get messy. Try not to look too shamefaced when you exit the bathroom leaving that "moist" deposit. They've seen it all before, and then some...
Nocturnal emissions (of wee, you pervs). These are frequent, as we know. This is well-documented, and commonly experienced. However, a recent development on that front, I feel must be shared. If you're like me, and like to give yourself an "airing" down there over the night (i.e. no knickers with your nightie, because your mummy said this was a way to "stay clean") then you might experience this also. The "sprinkler effect" combined with an ever-expanding stomach that makes a thorough "wipe" a slight challenge. This can mean that a return trip to the bathroom for a "second wipe" is in order.
Let me try and put this in plain terms. The wee spurts and leaves droplets all over the place--even right up your... (sometimes). You think you've got it all, and schlep comotose back to the marital bed, but by the time you get there, trickling sensations down the legs notify you that your technique was--yet again--off.
I will not get into the more commonly experienced, and already documented "issues" of wetting one's self at the drop of the hat--a sneeze, a laugh, a cough. We can take this as a given. Maybe keigels can save me. If I actually do one now and then.
Oh, and on the emissions front. This is not the only region "leaking." This morning I made the delighted discovery that breastfeeding might not be such a challenge this time around, because apparently these titties are good to go. I discovered this after reading that book and being informed that leakage could indeed happen. Being of the morbidly curious sort, I gave the left one a bit of a squeeze (as you do) and "voila!" Dinner's up! I was both thrilled and slightly grossed out.
And speaking of food...
Last week I regaled you with the angst of my cake-making endeavors. Let me say that "from scratch" at 9pm last friday night turned into "From a box....with homemade decorations." And it was a masterpiece, let me tell you.
Note the genius use of Candy Corn to represent "safety cones," the subtle verisimiltude of the zoning (chocolate sprinkles and yellow icing); And no, those are not bricks! I used caramels to cleverly render a roadside building under construction.
Yes, I am clearly going insane. The smell of chocolate fudge is still mildy repellent to me. But actually (and don't tell anyone) I rather enjoyed myself;-) And Boyo had a fabulous birthday, but even he is a bit "off" chocolate icing right now.
