All Is Quiet on the Western Front...

Yes... All is quiet at gingajoy. Mainly because in RL the eagle has landed. In the form of Nanny and Grandy--all the way from merry old Engerland. My parents. We've not seen them for a year. They arrived last Friday, and the last few days has been a whirlwind of excitement, shopping, baby-ogling, eating, shopping, cooking, drinking, shopping, sewing, stressing, boozing. And no internets.

Oh. and did I mention the shopping? Did I mention how freaking weak the dollar is compared to the British pound? Did I mention how dirt cheap everything in America is? (apparently).

I am (as m'old Dad would say. A lot on this trip, actually) Bloomin' Knackered. I am also beginning to heartily curse the following phone conversation, which took place, oh, about mid-August:

Mum: "and this year, instead of main presents, I thought we could just do stockings for each other!"
Me (remembering Christmas past, and thrill of stocking crammed with gifts at end of bed...) : OOOh! yes! Good idea! Let's do it! What fun! Oh yes!

Let's just do stockings. Instead.

Yes. Let's.
Let's wander aimlessly from store to store wondering what the frigging hell two grown men would want in a motherfucking stocking. Let's inflict joke books and miniature summer-sausages on them. Let's buy a six pack of Guinness as a last resort, coz that'll stuff a stockin' let me tell you.

Let's spend shitloads more than we would on a nice sweater, a power tool, and a book or two, and cram that motherfucker to the hilt.

OOOH! Yes. Let's make homemade stockings so we can have them "extra big" (for the children, mind).

Dear oh dear. I am being dead Ebernezery, I know. And I realize that in light of my previous post, my harsh reflection here makes me seem like the coldest daughter on the planet. And in truth I am having a blast. I've not seen my mother in a year, and we do tend to cram all the experiences that should be healthily meted out over that time into this one deeply concentrated period of Christmas frenzy. It's fun. I look forward to it all year (which might be part of the problem, I realize).

At the same time as I am utterly stressed out and somehow channeling all my mother's deeply complex expressions and mood swings so that I am the complete freak. My husband is taking the brunt and giving me "who the fuck are you?" looks as I fret over each and every meal and whether there are ample dog-defurring devices on hand. My high point was shrieking about the tree not being straight as I hurled lights and decorations onto it.

Love her to death. Love Christmas too (why?) But I AM... Bloomin' Knackered.


Elizabeth said...

Hang in there, Joy! I know exactly what you mean about stocking stuffers for men-they don't like small things! My husband is getting three tubes of Chapstick in his stocking-yes, THREE-because it's the only small thing I could think of besides a new Zippo lighter.

Plus, just think how much fun you and your Mom will have doing the Christmas Clearance shopping next week. Bargains galore!

Fresh Mommy said...

If bloomin' knackered means going crazy, than I'm also bloomin' knackered, too. And I don't have an infant or parents visiting, just the nagging feeling that I've neglected a hundred or so of the things I said I was going to do: gingerbread house? advent calendar? cute little cut-out snowflakes? There's always next year, right?


Anonymous said...

Yeah, what is it with men - why are they so difficult to buy for? They should all be a bit more metrosexual, so we could buy them fancy things. Like loofahs.

Anonymous said...

I still haven't found anything suitable for my husbands stocking. Beer ... not a bad idea.

I love your posts full of your Englerlandisms!

Mom101 said...

We are a big stocking family as well. Okay, not big stockings per se...but big on stockings. So much so that we could probably use big stockings. And we've ALWAYS said that the shit adds up! I end up spending more on little trinkets and gag gifts and doodads to fill up those things than I do on the actual gifts. It's insanity, I tell ya.

Enjoy the visit and the help while you've got it. And a very happy holidays to all of you, and for the little guy's first xmas.

Connie said...

Came across you on a random hit...thanks for giving me a laugh ;0)

Put a Pez dispenser in that stocking.

neva said...

*adds "blooming knackered" to list of new favorite expressions, right next to "Cor the Blimey and Heave the Mo"*

Happy Holidays, my friend. here's my advice on those stockings... candy. batteries. SOCKS. magazines are good, too. oh, you'd be surprised at the things you can cram into a "simple stocking" to make it look like it's filled with goodies when it's really filled with crap. i know, because i do it every year. Happy Happy Joy Joy.

my mom used to give us cans of tuna and panty-hose. i swear to God. Tuna and Panty-hose. oh, and here's the clincher: she SHOPLIFTED them! yep... turns out she had a "little problem" a few years ago, which manifested itself in Tuna, L'eggs, and Hershey bars. thanks mom.

Cor the Blimey and Heave the Mo! not sure why i felt the need to share that holiday tid-bit with you -- blame it on the fact that i'm blooming knackered. oy.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, dearest friend! hope the magic isn't loss in all the madness that is: An American Homestyle Family Vacation. xoxox

Pendullum said...

Well waiting to read how you faired after the Christmas storm...

Hope the New Years went a bit better???

I am exhausted as I had my IN LAWS here... Divorced for 32 years and had not spent a xmas together in that time frame...
But apparently Hell has frozen over?
Or relocated to my home as a I know it...

Anonymous said...

I LOVE stockings myself! But how many times can I buy fun electric toothbrushes before my family starts to refer to stockings as "toothbrush keepers?" Heh.

OddMix said...

Happy New Year! I am back from vacation and working my way around saying, "Hi!"