An Open Letter to Crayola, the Makers of the Color Wonder Fingerpaints

The following is an open letter from our own Motherhood Uncensored's Kristen, mastermind of the Monthly Blog Exchange.

(the woman is onto something, people. hands up of you think those fingerpaints are, indeed, for shit...)

Dear Haters of Mothers:

Please excuse the smudges on this letter, as well as the dropped words and barely legible handwriting. That's what happens after you touch a child that has played with your Color Wonder Fingerpaints. That and you can't open a bottle for 3 days.

Let's be frank. These are not paints, but a propaganda tool in your coup against all mothers. Is it really necessary for my child to end up looking shinier than a 14-year-old boy's palm after attempting to "fingerpaint?" And while I love bathing my child on a nightly basis, I'd prefer not to have to wrastle her like slippery hog and then soak her in Tide Free detergent for at least 30 minutes in order to cut through the grease that you try to sell as "paint."

I find the delay of color visiblity annoying, especially because my child feels the need to get more paints because her first attempt did not work. Sure. I can wait for the color to show up. But I'm 30. And I'm assuming that I'm probably not your target marketing audience.

You might try repackaging the paints as hair gel, door grease, or even chapstick. Heck. It might make a great night-time moisturizer and you could probably give KY Jelly a run for it's money.

But let me say this. I'd rather do 14 loads of laundry and wash paint off every single wall in my house before I'd buy your paints again. And I know why you called them "wonder fingerpaints." Because lord knows I wonder why anyone in her right mind would buy them. Except if she didn't have kids. Or happened to be my mother-in-law. Or satan.

So from now on, I'll just stick to regular old crayons.

And vaseline.


The Mom Trap

Bio: Kristen is mom of Quinlan and one on the way, and spends most of her free time eating and on the internet blogging at The Mom Trap and Motherhood Uncensored (where Joy is today!)

Get more info on the blog exchange as well as links to the other participants here


Anonymous said...

Oh my! I guess I won't buy THAT ... I would rather clean up actual paint.

Her Bad Mother said...

Ooooh, so you HAVE finally determined that your MIL and Satan are *separate* entities?

Kyahgirl said...

I have to show this letter to my husband. All these products are strictly forbidden in our house due to all the reasons you've stated!

Heather said...

I've never tried the fingerpaints, and from the sound of it, I'm glad I haven't.

The delay thing happens with the markers too, but at least then the kids just wear a hole in the paper trying to get the color to show up.

The concept is good I guess, the execution, not so great.

Thanks for the warning.

toyfoto said...

OY, the grease, the color delay ... but worse for me are the SMELL of the stuff and the fact that it NEVER EVER DRIES.

It's enough to make me go out and by Crayola competitor's products. Like the cheapy crayons!

ECR said...

Now this is the stuff that makes the momosphere such an important resource. I will totally heed your warning.

Binkytown said...

I'll bet they sell this at Target don't they? Those tricky bastards!

Fairly Odd Mother said...

OMG, I remember when we had that stuff. The kids used the entire thing in about 3 minutes and it was EVERYWHERE---their hair, arms, clothes, all over the paper in huge chunks. Ick! Oh, and did I say we were in the car? Not a good thing.

Kristen said...

fairly odd mother:

That should be on the label of the damn product.

That's exactly what happened to me.

hey. at least they were all used up then.

A. Elliot said...

All that color wonder and washable markers merchandise is now currently banned from my home. My son got used to the fact that any marker mess etc could easily be cleaned up (we never did the finger paints). When he got a hold of a sharpie marker and colored the walls and carpeting, he expected it to wash right off. He cried (me too) when it didn't.

Tater and Tot said...

Hmmm, I guess I had some sort of vibe sent to me regarding this stuff. One of the girls got some for a birthday, and it was put away in the dreaded closet for a rainy day. I suppose we'll just have to pretend we don't get any rain.