Ha! Gotcha. Maybe.

Announcing that I am still very much rotund (not that I need to be pregnant for that). Still very much a plugless slut, but that's about all that's passed these here regions (cough...)

My due date is actually not til next Friday, and at this rate I think I might even end up running late. Of course, that does not mean I am not fanaticizing about my OB trip tomorrow and being informed "MY GOD! You're 8 cm and he's Crowning, are you SURE you don't feel any pain????" Ha! Right.

In the meantime, I am getting very used to this being a complete slob business. I have so far:

1. Knitted one baby hat (yes, I am *that* talented).

2. Made several Origami Christmas Ornaments (and that should be Orna-Gami, according to my instructions).

3. Made good headway into Christmas shopping (I am beginning to feel waves of resentment--don't be hatin' ! Remember, I am not going to want to brave the crowds with boob-demanding infant--especially as our delightful mall recently made a big fuss about women breastfeeding in public....)

4. Taken long hot soaks in the bath uninterrupted. With copious amounts of Burts Bees Oil (to try and stem the side of stretch marks that are beginning to spider out from my poor abused tummy button) and Spiderman Bubblebath for, well, bubbles.

5. Gorged upon unhealthy quantities of Cheez-its, Cadbury's Truffles, Jelly Belly beans (Juicy Pear). With an apple or banana thrown in, you know, for health.

6. Gorged upon unhealthy quantities of TLC, especially Top Chef and (god help me) Bringing Home Baby (which is much more sanitized and fluffy than the terror-inducing Birth Day).

7. Been reading this book, The Baby Whisperer, which is written in such an outrageously British "love-a-duck" accent (liberal references to the reader as "luv" and how "a nice cuppa can boost the spirits when baby is extra-demanding...") it makes me all warm.

Seriously, there is something very reassuring about Tracey Hogg's style. For now. If I were to read this book in another less hormonal state I would probably gag. But right now she's the next best thing to having my Mummy here... Hmmm. yes. Must be hormonal because typing that just made me well up. Best add to the list--
Welled up and often dissolved into cascades of tears over:

  • Books that refer to me as "Mum" and "Luv."
  • Oprah Winfrey's Dream Come True episode (aired Tuesday)
  • Not being able to follow the fucking origami instructions!
  • Sorting through teensy weensy baby clothes from when our son was a newborn
  • Walking to into our bedroom and seeing cradle next to my side of the bed
  • Christmas commercials of pretty much any variety.

8. Oh, and lest I turn into a complete blithering moron, I have also been reading this book, David Rakoff's Don't Get Too Comfortable.

Don't worry. I won't.


Anonymous said...

You got me!

Actually, I fear that I'm turning into the internet equivalent of one of those awful people whose faces fall in disappointment when the just-past-her-due-date woman walks in the room (not that that ever happened to me).

Your Cadbury-and-TLC-laced vacation sounds absolutely wonderful - enjoy!

doow said...

Please send me all the truffles. I thank you.
Oh, and have the baby on the 12th. All the best people are born on the 12th November.

Mega Mom said...

Oh, I hear you darling. Outwardly I'm saying "I never go early, blah, blah, blah", but inwardly? I think I'm in labor, if I lean down like this, will my water break? Please let me go early, blah, blah, blah :)))

mamadaisy said...

and don't forget the credit card commercials -- they had me bawling every time.

K said...

Sigh. I wonder everyday... hope he comes soon.

I'm with you on the weeping. And I have 10 weeks to go.

Mama_to_Briar&Avery said...

Bless you and the waiting game. I had my second daughter in May...only a few days late, but damn, every extra minute enduring the, "You think it's going to happen soon? Feeling any different? I bet that's awful." comments from the non-pregnant tested my ability to overcome, not quite homicidal, but at least Ally MacBeal on cable type violent thoughts.
Here's to a rapid onset of swift labor followed by cuddling and nursing to make it all better.
Congratulations in advance!

Bobita said...

zee plug! Soon. Soon.

Anonymous said...

I'll bet you are a lovely Mum, luv!

Anonymous said...

Good for you, getting the Christmas shopping out of the way!! We're trying to do the same- I actually got a good chunk of it done yesterday- all in the same store, no less! Enjoy those steaming bubble baths-- future mums like us need to squeeze every last drop of lazy slothfulness while we still can, luv! :)

Mocha said...

You suck.

That wasn't nice.

Just so you know, I read the whole thing, too. I didn't just do that stupid thing where people skim, comment quickly (you know I wouldn't do that - it takes time to come up with these juicy comments) and then go straight to the "Leave your comment" section. Oh, no no no. I woulnd't do that.

Nonetheless, I read you via Bloglines before I just hop on over to actually comment and all that I have for today is this:

"Announcing... you suck."

I loves (luvs?) ya, though. You vex me with your dichotomy, but I love ya.

Anonymous said...

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neva said...

hi. been reading through your blog, and, i didn't find what i was looking for, either. okay, so maybe i was looking for a birth announcement... sue me.

that said, while i can't offer you any new ways to "make money" (secret shopping?), just know i'm thinking about you and hoping you won't feel the pain and/or insult of a "3 weeks past due date" birth (i've regaled with with these tales in the past, no need to do so now)

relevent to nothing, my new favorite tea is Celestial Seasonings Candy Cane Lane (decaf green tea) soooo very yummy and easy on the tummy, i'm thinking that might be the tasty/lo-cal sippy ticket whilst soaking in that bath of yours.

stay well, sweet Joy, and hang in there (don't you hate it when people say that? me too.) oh, and if you *are* looking for some easy cash...i'm thinking "secret shopping" ain't the best way to go. ('course, i could be wrong, as you well know, i often am!) xoxox

themikestand said...

gah. Stop reading the Baby Whisperer. Now.

It's all "oh, don't worry, Love. You try your best and it'll work" (subtext: unless you suck as a parent, which is probably the truth anyway)

Her Bad Mother said...

I am anxously awaiting news. All themore anxiously now that I am in throes of nostalgia about being in throes of labour exactly one year ago (today) (and yesterday) (and tomorrow.) (I don't wish this for you.)

Has anyone ever noticed that the word ORIGAMI looks very much like ORGASM? I was both confused and titillated by the relevant lines in this post.

Anonymous said...

Man, Tracey Hogg looks a lot like Debbie Travis!

Good luck!

Random Impressions said...

Ok fellow gingajoy stalkers - i think the baby is here - that's why no post

lets take bets on the actual date - i second doow for 12th

sweatpantsmom said...

I'm welling up myself. Of course, it could be due to the fact that I'm on a no-carb diet and your mention of Cheez-It's has me feeling downright jealous.

Sending best wishes for the big day! Keep us posted!

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