10.20.2006

And Speaking of No Shame....


Behold....The Motherload.

Be honest... Do I look fat in this?

Rest assured I do not leave the house in this get-up. Too much. The sight of my frighteningly taut stomach flesh, not to mention the monstrosity that is my tummy button--it could very easily scare small children. (I generously spared you a picture of my tummy button, more as a gesture to my fellah, who finds it just too disturbing to contemplate).

One thing that scares me about these pictures is that I have still have 4 weeks to go, and no fricking CLUE where I'm going to put it. I am someone who (despite having ample hippage) carries all "up front." And somehow I managing to put on a couple of pounds (plus) a week right now. When this was brought to my attention at last doctor's visit, I mumbled something about "did not take off my boots when nurse weighed me..."

But I know better.



My stomach is about a quarter of its normal size, and yet, I am managing to pack it away like there's no tomorrow. Even better, while I am in the process of packing it away I mumble to my husband between mouthfuls "I really should stop eating large meals like this. I feel full already. I should stop. I should eat smaller meals. I keep getting heartburn." (shovel. shovel. shovel. "are you going to eat that?")

And then, later that evening, I lay like a beached whale on the sofa whinging about heartburn and letting off burps that would make an adolescent boy blush. "Oooooh. My chest. Oooooh. BUUUUUURP. That feels better. BUUUUURP. Ah, yes. Much better. Hey, love? Is there any of that Chubby Hubby left? Can you get me a bowl? There's a love. I really can't get up. Really" (makes feeble gesture to show how "getting up" is physically impossible). "I need the calcium. Really."

He's a good man, my fellah. He even put my socks on this morning. (You've seen nothing more pathetic than me trying to put my socks/hose on right now. It involves much hopping around and whining on my part).

So. 4 weeks to go from today. Maybe.

39 comments:

sweetney said...

oh my god joy, you look gorgeous. seriously. go pregnant lady!

Anonymous said...

Wow, you just described my every evening!! I have 5 weeks to go, I'm also carrying this baby all "up front," and when I eat, I, too, feel like a beached whale and cannot move. And of course I want ice cream afterwards!! lol! Edy's makes an ice cream that's sweetened with splenda and tastes GREAT, (less sugar, less calories, but still t astes like normal ice cream. It's a miracle!) you should give it a try!

neva said...

Sweetney's right, you know... you look FABULOUS! (speaking of which, those links are available, and i will be usin' 'em in the near future!)

lovelovelove this post, those pictures, and YOU!! (the offer still stands... move to CT, be my friend/surrogate baby sister and i'll babysit for free. i won't clean, but i *will* bake cookies)

4 weeks, hmmm? good luck with that. xoxo

Kristen said...

Oh for god sakes. You are fucking beautiful.

Now I guess I'll have to post one of me, eh.

Sadly, I look like I ate a small African country for lunch :)

doow said...

Stunningly gorgeous! And you have nice coloured walls and a husband who puts your socks on for you. You're living the American dream!

DD said...

Everytime I look at your first picture, I giggle. I have no idea why, but I'm sure it has to do with the expression on your face.

And I see no reason why you can't go out dressed like that. All the A-list celebrities do and I think you wear it much better.

jon deal said...

Awesome.

I'm pretty sure that if we men-folk had to be pregnant. give birth, nurse, etc., the species would have died out a long time ago.

toyfoto said...

Do you look fat?

NO WAY!!!!

You look like a skinny woman with a beautiful baby belly.

Anonymous said...

The wave of deja vu is just about knocking me to the floor right now (and I have a feeling it would take a LOT of effort to haul my mental self back up again). You look really, really wonderful. And yes, it's possible to get even bigger.

OddMix said...

You look lovely - and not even a little bit fat. In the last month, as I recal, your baby alone can gain a pond each week.

virtualredhead said...

Joy! Your belly is fabulous!!! What cute photos. I can't wait to meet the new guy. : )

krista said...

Beautiful!!! Absolutely beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Wow! Just looking at your photo makes me remember the feeling of the baby trying to escape through my ribcage. The sock struggle brings it all back too.

You look completely stunning!

Paco said...

Didn't that bathroom used to have ugly wallpaper, a nasty vanity, and tiny-itty-bitty toilet? What an improvement! Oh, and you look good too.

Amber said...

Ah! You've got about 11 weeks on me.

Based on past pregnancies, I can say that I wish I looked that good at 36ish weeks! LOL! I think you look great!

mothergoosemouse said...

You look so beautiful! Pretty hair, cute smirk, and how the heck is your face still so slim?

Blog Antagonist said...

I think you look truly, truly lovely and that's not just meaningless flattery.

I am 5'4" and very short waisted. I had a 9lb 3oz baby, so I can totally relate to how you are feeling.

I had pih as well, so I looked like a big, red headed blowfish.

You, on the other hand are radiant. That's little consolation when you're feeling like a beached whale, I know. I hope the next 4 weeks go by quickly for you!

Elizabeth said...

Joy, look at you! Gorgeous! But only four weeks? We need to have that lunch NOW. Email me!

Beck said...

You look great. I gained SIXTY pounds per pregnancy, and did not look great, unless "beached orca" is a look to be striven for... you, however, look terrific.

Ele said...

It's great to read the pregnancy-support you're getting through the blog. (Just to add to Frank's sock-putting-on antics.) And nice hair cut, btw! I am sporting something rather similar myself au moment.

Joel said...

you're pregnant?? really?

Anonymous said...

You are the most beautiful pregnant woman ever. EVER!!

Stefanie said...

That belly looks tough to cart around all day but the rest of you does not even look preggers. You look damn cute! I like another poster here gained 55 (or so) pounds and looked soooooo fat. Can't wait to do it again.

Mocha said...

Hey, sexy momma. I'm scared of YOU in that get up. If I were brave, I'd post my own. And I have no baby brewing in my belly.

You are GORGEOUS.

sunshine scribe said...

Stunning.

Really.

I only wished I looked that cute preggo!

Kelly said...

you are such a cute pregnant lady!

Anonymous said...

Oh! You look absolutely fabulous (nod to French and Saunders)! Four weeks to go... you can do this! And you'll look totally adorable. Big baby belly and all.

MrsFortune said...

Seriously, you are unbelievably gorgeous! I only wish I had looked like that at 36 weeks, mama.

And I positively lived on Tums the last two months of my pregnancy. Hey, they have calcium! So you can stop eating the Ben & Jerry's ... but I won't tell your husband. Haha. As for me, I'm STILL eating it and I gave birth 6 months ago. I have no excuse.

chrissie said...

wow! You look fabulous!
Its great that you have a good man helpin you to keep your socks up. It's not long now and he'll be struggling to keep his own up!

I'm sure the whole beached wale thing and the impossibility of movement is to train your man to be eagerly helpful when you need a break, or just some cuddle time with your delightful new born!
You got to give him credit. I know my fella made the whole thing a breeze! (well almost)lol

Her Bad Mother said...

Ooooh, you are ROCKING that beached whale look, lady. ROCKING IT. Rrarr.

Marmite Breath (Nat) said...

*sigh*

Jealousy is not a nice emotion, but I can't help it. I wish I had looked that good.

I'll go with envy. It's not as bitchy.

themikestand said...

In case I haven't commented here yet(I'm too ADHD to check): You look lovely, Joy. Really.

Mega Mom said...

You look wonderful and are beautiful! I have 5 more weeks. This may be my re-introduction. I may go take some beauty shots now :)

Anonymous said...

You look so beautiful! You look pregnant but lovely :)

Jenn P said...

Hi! I just came across your blog through a comment you made at DoctorMama a long time ago. Funny, it was a comment you made back in March about considering adding another baby to your family! And here you are, congrats! Anyway, I checked out your blog because I am having a hard time deciding on one or two kids. I have an 8 month old now, so I have time to consider it I guess. I'm looking forward to reading more of your blog and good luck!

ozma said...

OH MY GOD YOU TAKE A DAY OR TWO OFF FROM THE INTERNET AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU MISS!!

I'm never leaving the internet again NEVAH!

I can't believe I almost missed a picture of you and pregnant too. Even though it shocks me how skinny the rest of you is while pregnant. Where's the bloating? Your arms are normal sized and everything. You DO look gorgeous and this is no exageration. I remember being sort of beautiful in my horrifically bloated way--engorged and yet glowy--but you look truly amazingly lovely.

Also, good haircut.

The weirdest thing to me when I had that belly was that it would sort of stay up. It was round and high and everything and yet it was covering this gigantic enormous creature. I couldn't figure out how that worked and I still don't fully understand it. Also, how I could gain 60 lbs. and still wear the exact same underwear. And then be 5 lbs. lighter than my pre-pregnancy weight 1 month later. The pregnant body is a freakish thing.

Kyahgirl said...

I'm so glad I followed Neva's link back here. I love that look on your face in the second one.

I'm sure you'll be counting the days now. This is the hard part. hang in there.

:-)

modmom said...

you + your tummy are beautiful!

G said...

I just had to follow the links back to you from the Snark. I'll have to check the videos later, but just wanted to comment what a lovely pregnant Mommy you are! Fat! I think you need another round of chubby hubby. That's it - keep those feet up, this is where the swelling gets troublesome.