featuring weekend highlights!!!

on friday i was tired, i was spent, i was lazy.
what's my excuse now? read on, and see if you can guess.

friday evening:
--garlic bread
--spy kids 2
--no fucking wine
--"watch" Foul Play with hubs
--piss and moan about Foul Play


--Y cardio buffet: "hip hop dance (for white middle class mommy types)"
--prolongued period pondering previous hour and excising it from memory bank
--shower. bathing suit.
--request gods "kill me now"
--Y pool. children. fun. nausea.
--toy store
--naptime. (not for me)
--make a goddam tote bag with this ethnic fabric if it kills me
--omit reading of "fusible interfacing" instructions
--ruin iron
--make totebag (rock.)
--observe husband attempt to use iron
--google "iron + fusible interfacing"
--crack open the lighter-fluid (go on, google it)
--friend's kid's b-day party
--no. fucking. wine...
--watch first twenty minutes of The Aristocrats
--swimming-in-poo references do not help with my EXTREME EFFING NAUSEA
--watch husband troop to bar where he can drink alcohol.
--turn of The Aristocrats
--no fucking wine

--Ice Age 2
--mini-easter eggs
--naptime (not for me)
--whirl electric sander wildly on garden fence
--wonder if teeth will ever stop chattering
--elect to wear protective mask when job is 99% complete
--hack up lung
--push son around neighborhood on bike
--push son around neighborhood in toy car
--push son around neighborhood on bike
--introduce notion of pedalling
--i'm just going to close my eyes a sec...
--cup of tea
--west wing ("yay for jimmy!" followed by "i am so fucking depressed this is not real...")

if you've not guessed by now, let me add that one piece of this story involves me standing panting talking to a neighbor (having shoved the toy car several blocks). a neighbor who knows me not from adam:

--me: "those are lovely dogs"
--him: "yes, they're brothers"
--me (to son): "stop touching their tails, sweetie" (read: "stop touching their butts")
--me: "how nice, this little one will have a little brother or sister soon won't you darling?"
--neighbor: "ooh, you're pregnant? congratulations! (read: "why are you telling me, like, now? I do not know you...")
--me: "yes, yes I am" (read: "I am not fat--this is a preg paunch, ok?")

and so there you have it. i have a preg paunch, i am confronting my own alcoholism, and have such self esteem issues i feel the need to blurt to complete strangers that i am "with child" so they do not judge my paunchiness.

and yes, i feel nauseaus

and yes, i am super, super pleased:)

nuff said (oooh. you guys are so in for it...)


weaker vessel said...


My deepest, most profoundly alchoholic sympathies about the NFW.

Maybe it would help to mentally frame the process of withstanding nausea as a kind of Olympic training for your first big postpartum alcohol binge? No? What? Why is everybody looking at me like that?

neva said...

this is wonderful/beautiful news!!! i am thrilled for you!! (this explains a lot, i'm thinking, in terms of how overwhelmed you were last week regarding that "slim blue book"!)

i confronted my own alcoholism (only mine was real) 28 years ago... as i always say... the only bad thing about not getting drunk is the fact that ya have to take responsibility for your actions ("no, i'm not drunk, i'm just fell down in the middle of the bowling alley because i'm so freaking clumsy" or "no, i haven't been drinking officer, that's the way i always drive!" or "no, i've had nothing to drink. i just don't dance very well")

can't wait for you to share this amazing experience... i swear, my kids are 22 and 25, but i still remember absolutely everything about my pregnancies (don't know if you remember, i mentioned on sweetney's "flab-off" forum that i jogged while pregnant with both my kids... once you get through the nausea phase (hate that part) you'll probably have an easier time pushing your son around on his bike/toy car! not to mention those aerobics!)

totally with ya on west wing... yay for jimmy! (we love him!) so sad we lost leo (heck the show just started gettin' good again, soon it'll be gone forever? boo!)

congratulations again on your fabulous news!! and, ya know, there are some very tasty non-alcoholic wines out there, if you need to make your mouth happy... at least that's something (tee hee!) : D

ozma said...

Wow! Congratulations. Hooray for #2!!!

I wish you were not nauseated. Horrible thing that people will say is that it often is a good sign that all the right hormones are in there and it's actually GOOD you are nauseated. Of course, their saying this will only make you want to throw up on them. Please do.

I hope the second trimester is upon you soon and it's one of those easy, breezy second trimesters.

I smiled about how you want to tell everyone you're pregnant, not fat. My worry about going on the job market if I have to next year (when I'm also going to get pregnant) is that there is bias against the fat in hiring. Yet, there is worse bias against the pregnant. So I'm actually hoping they'll think I'm fat. I plan to act jolly.

After 9 mos. of pregnancy, 2 years of breastfeeding I finally can fill my body with toxic substances. Enjoy your clean year, it will make that wine all the more delicious.

the dago said...

I hear pasta is good for the nausea. You want I should make you a nice plate of ravioli?

I'm SO happy for you and the growing family!

My cure for the nausea was seltzer mixed with cranberry juice, or a strong ginger beer, (NA). And at least one baguette a day with a huge hunk of cheese! Not a balanced diet, but what the hey... Enjoy the ride. Eat some ice cream!

Mega Mom said...


I loved your rendition of pregnancy!

Mom101 said...

Oh my dear, I'm tearing up! Hoorah for you and your ginger-haired child to be. Mazel tov a million times over.

It could also be the only reason that you didn't find Foul Play hilarious. Dudley Moore as a sex fiend? C'moooooon!

sweatpantsmom said...

Well, the problem is so obvious.

I don't see coffee anywhere in that list.

Are you crazy, woman?

The Sheriff said...

A bairn on the way... Congratulations!!!

sunshine scribe said...

Congratulations!!!! Fabulous news (despite the wine withdrawals and accompanying nausea). Loved your post. When I was pregant for the first few months I found myself randomly telling strangers for no reason.

sween said...

A big ol' congrashumulations!

sween said...

A big ol' congrashumulations!

doow said...

Woohoo, how exciting! Congratulations! :-) I assume you'll be naming the baby after me. Even if it's a boy.

zeldafitz said...

The FABULOUSNESS!! Congratulations!! That is great news. Can I be the first to say I think it's a girl? Because I do. For no apparent reason.

As for the nausea, I loved these pups, er pops, when I was pregnant AND in labor. I favored the ginger variety, maybe they have a white wine flavor now?? They're called "Preggie Pops." I hope THAT doesn't make you nauseous, but check them out!


shannon said...

Congratu-fricken-lations. Wonderfuzz news! Excitamente! Wheeee. Really, that is very very nifty.

themikestand said...

Many congratulations.

Just be sure to warn people of offending foods (my wife? chai tea) as your olfactory glands connect themselves directly to your puke-glands. Such fun!